10 simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life

1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.
2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.
3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.
4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?
5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.
6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.
8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a less serious mental disability fail to understand this.
10. Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.

Last Saturday (April 25) was spent at Divisoria with 40 somethings (Peachy, Mond, and Felix) talking about their crazy ass college days. Their stories made me form movies in my head of UP in the eighties and Singapore in the early nineties.

Sunday night/early Monday morning was spent celebrating with high school classmates and a few high school friends (yes there is a distinction). It was a night of reminiscing and crude, crude humor which I so love. I adore the fact that I haven't seen most of them in six years but we were able to talk like we saw each other yesterday. Even funnier is the fact that the people I regarded as kind of bullies before are now so laughable. Not in a bad way, though. What I mean is, I found that they're generally easy to hang out with. Favorite line:

Oline: Tagal nating di nagkita ah.
Me: Oo nga eh. Six years? Grabe.
Oline: Diba close-closan tayo dati?
Me: Oo nga eh.
*Proceeded to talk while walking with arms entwined in true high school fashion.*

Tuesday night was spent with Macy for a hotdog dinner at Rockwell and to see Slumdog Millionaire as well. I could have easily watched it on DVD, but it was worth it. Jamal is <3. After which, Macy dropped me off at Ponti where I joined Jana and her friends as they watched this band who's also a friend of theirs. Can I just say, I appreciate free drinks. I appreciate them a LOT.

Wednesday was the day of my brother's graduation so we had dinner at Circle's that night. My parents paid for dinner, but I told my dad that his wine buffet is on me. And then I realized afterwards that I left my wallet in the car. Haha, so medyo inutang ko sa kanila yung pinanglibre ko sa kanya. I still regret not missing a day of work to attend Kuya's actual graduation rites. He graduated Cum Laude! Galing galing. Their toga hats are really fug, though. 

Thursday started out terribly. I was overly late for work because I didn't finish on time the decks that had to be presented to the client. It was also raining so I couldn't get a freaking cab. But the day ended nicely. There was a mini-celebration at the office with lots of free booze (this is a story in itself but I don't want to dwell on it for now), and after taking advantage of that, I met up with a few of the funmates at Greenbelt to watch Wolverine. It really sucked. The night ended with me dragging them to Rufo's because I was craving for Tapsilog. After that, I took a cab with Ruby and Ipe because I had to go to Kuya's apartment to get the car. Unfortunately, the cab driver we got happened to be a total menace. To cut the story short, I left his back door open, kicked his cab twice out of frustration, and waved a dirty finger at him. I'm not usually that dramatic but the dude deserved every exaggerated display of anger I could muster. 

Most of Friday was spent sleeping in at Kuya's place while he is off to class, and even more slouching around when I got home. Doing nothing is a lovely activity in itself.

Last night was spent at Jana's place because she's home alone and cooked tinola all by herself. I haven't really talked to her alone in a while so it was nice just kicking back on the sofa and talking our hearts out. She's such a great listener. I ended up sleeping over at her place, and I woke up early this morning to drive to Heritage hotel to meet up with my parents. We watched the Paquiao fight there. I really went for the breakfast buffet that comes with the screening but wtf, I might as well have gotten that food at some random canteen. The "breakfast buffet" merely consisted of sandwiches, pancit, sausages and a few more unremarkable dishes. Bleh. I spent a good chunk of time during the pre-Pacquiao matches sleeping on my mother's lap as we sat inside the hotel ballroom. I was just too darn sleepy. I only really started watching when it was already Pacquiao's fight. But that didn't really last long either. Pacquiao's awesome. I love how he ignored the people inside the ring the moment he stepped in and just fell down on his knees to pray. He did the same thing after the fight. And when his promoter was telling reporters that hopeful athletes should emulate Manny's curiosity and dedication, Manny interrupted him to add that they shouldn't forget to believe in God as well. Ain't that the cutest and the nicest thing. I do believe that prayer works. Not necessarily in the time or form you envisioned, but it does (almost always) get answered.

I think Hattorn might have been drunk during the fight. He was knocked down unusually fast. Mas matagal pa yung tulog ko sa laban nila. And omg may period na ulit ako. Yung period na normal at kailangan gamitan ng napkin. I've been tracking my cycle this year lang and for some reason my period has been extremely consistent, unlike before where I wouldn't have it for several months. This year, I've been having it every 2nd of the month. Sana tuloy tuloy ng ganito. Minsan pag sobrang tagal wala, naiisip ko baka hermaphrodite na ko. 

Truthfully speaking, I have spent my entire high school life being afraid, being cautious. Last night I sat there wishing I made more mistakes, took more risks, fell in love with more absurdly wrong people, got hurt more, laughed more, cried more. I spent 1999-2003 complaining about non-tangible stuff and thinking that my life was more miserable than it actually was. I could have been suspended from school, I could have been reprimanded, and maybe my life would have been all the more enriched for that. I isolated people by perception and avoided them without even beginning to experience them. I’m weird that way. Years have passed, chunks of years have passed and for some reason I still have the same fears and self-manufactured issues that I had ten fucking years ago. I decide what's not for me and I tiptoe around it without even attempting to go near it. That sums it up right there. Oh expectations and deep-rooted shadow beliefs, you powerful, powerful things. You distort reality like woah.

• It's another oh-so blah day here in the office. I don't quite feel that I've already been here for almost two months? Sometimes I still feel like this awkward blob of a girl slash occassional hermit with her ass glued to her seat and my back facing the rest of the office world. But I don't want to complain. Ghed, it's the last thing I want to do. I miss blogging though. I do, I do.
• I've always been a safe player. So safe to a fault. Huwhaat. Today I had lunch with my officemate and a friend of hers. Both of them are from DLSU and we kind of reminisced about college life. They were telling me about their dorm life and though I like my college life as it was, I know I would have loved it even more had I stayed in a dorm. But I couldn't of course. Cue Avenue Q music now: I wish I could go back to college!!! 
• I think I'm selfish. Either that or I have amzingly generous, wear-their-hearts-on-their-sleeves friends that make me feel selfish by comparison. Yeah, could be the latter. 
• Umuulan ng interns sa office. Most of them are two years younger than me. Makes sense, as I have wasted a year for seventh grade, took a fifth year in college, and spent the year after graduation frolicking around. I wish I had an intern experience. 
• Was with Karen until midnight last night. My favorite part of our conversation was us concluding how people who don't have best friends don't know what they're missing. Oh and she also told me that I'm always continually looking for something, even if I keep on getting what I want. But I can't help it! 
• I would have made radically different decisions last year if I weren't too worried about what other people would say. Now those people are in the same position as I was and seems like they're taking the route which I was so worried about taking last year. Lesson: Do what you like, fuck the rest. Although I think my fear kind of saved me from myself.

• I admitted that I was apprehensive about entering the corporate world because I was afraid I won't have as much time as I want for myself.
• I told her that four years from now, I want to be two levels up in advertising. This I said after she told me that the Planning Department is pretty flat.
• When she was going on about how the company seems to have a hiring policy about "left" people, she said, "You know what I mean?" I said, "No."
• I emphasized strongly that I really want to learn "skills" from my first job. She countered me by saying that I won't really be learning skills-skills but more of soft skills, like people skills. Maybe I came across as a user who wants to use the company to learn all that she can and then leave.  
• At the last minute, I decided to do away with the ponytail and just let my hair loose. Big mistake.
• My face was filled with scabs and there was something in my teeth.
• May mga muta pa ako. Na realize ko lang ito pagkatapos. 
• I was too eager to please, I kind of took back what I said about my apprehensions when she expressed that that's usually the problem they have with fresh grads.I smiled a fake smile and said, "It's just a minor apprehension, I'm sure I'll get over it. I mean everyone has to, right?" That didn't sound very enthusiastic. 
• When she asked me if I've worked in a corporate setting before, she phrased it in such a way that made it extremely easy for me to lie. "You've never worked in a corporation before, right? This will be your first time?" The real answer is no. I said yes. The resume she was holding could have told her otherwise but I have written "Supervalue Inc" without the "SM Group of Companies" appendage, so she must have thought of it as some two-month OJT stint in a small, unknown company.
• I told her that I have no other options. Crap.
• When she asked me what my dream job is, I told her that it's to be a travel show food host.
• When she was telling me about the job, I had a brief moment of Oh My God Do I Really Want This Or Have I Just Psyched Myself Up Too Much questioning moment. Which is pretty typical of me. I think that somehow affected my demeanor during the tiny latter part of the interview.

• Last weekend (Feb. 7-8) was quite lovely. Raiza and I originally planned to have an early drive to Tagaytay and try out that nice coffee shop she was telling me about, but we both fell asleep for most of the Saturday. So we just met up at night and went to nearby Britanny Bay for a late dinner at Hap Chan. After that, we went to Figaro where she worked on her speech for the Toastmaster's Club while I listened to music on her I-pod and planned out my life in my organizer. I love comfortable silences. And I never realized how cool it would be to have an Ipod. I want one I want one I want one. I'm not the type who can do things while listening to it though. Most of the time, I was just in a trance. Anyway, Raiza slept over at my house after that and it was like a good old high school sleepover with nonstop conversations, pajamas, a bit of computer work (her speech and our stalking requirements), secrets, and cooking pancit canton at 5am. When I told sina Dawn, Ipe, etc. that I was planning to go to Tagaytay with just one high school friend, they were like, what, dalawa lang kayo, wag ka na tumuloy ang corny. But I really needed that one-on-one, ultra-long conversation with Rai. I tell her things I can never tell to any other human being and we definitely won't be that open had we slept over as a  group. I'm grateful that there's someone I can trust that much. We talked the entire Saturday night/dawn so we slept in on Sunday. We woke up at around 6pm when she absolutely had to go home. 
• Met up with the Gourmet Tots girls last Wednesday (Feb. 11). We had dinner at this quaint little resto in Makati called Apartment 1B which is quite secluded so I had a difficult time finding it. But the food was yummy and the ambience was perfect. The place is mostly catered to older people though, I think we were the youngest diners there (which is refreshing, because recently the places I go to are just infiltrated with teenagers who make me look and feel old). The six of us were supposed to be there but Hershee didn't make it. She was trapped at home convincing her dad to let her go back to China next week. It feels like it was only yesterday when we were having dinners before they all left (except for Chanty), now they're back. I like the effect of China on them. It's like they became open all of a sudden. I used to feel like I was the most idealistic one, talking about wanting to travel and seeing the world. Now they're all hungry for adventure and Macy was telling me that she realized how sheltered she was here, how the people in other countries are so extremely different from what we're used to. She's leaving for SG next week to try out her luck. She's also bent on visiting the best restaurants there and she already planned out all her resto visits on an Excel file. She takes her food seriously. And she's staying with Mae! Coolness. We had more conversations about What to Do with Our Lives and Rihanna. We're the quintessential quarter lifers.    
• After all my frustrations with my former dentist, I finally tried out a different one last week. I went to this dental clinic near the office and my new dentist is hotness. Ok well, not hot-hot like manly hot but v.cute. Yes he is. I realized that it's been a while since I had a safe crush. You know, crushes on safe authority figures. I used to have crushes on my professors all the time. Since I'm not bound to encounter a brilliant professor outside the university premises, crushing on a dentist is like going for the next best thing. My dentist now is cute in a boyish way and eloquent. I think he's fresh out of dentistry school. Pero hanep diba, the first thing he does to me is check out the tarttar on my teeth and count my cavities. Is that hot or what. The funny thing is, when he asked me where I lived, we found out that we live in the same phase in the same village. How's that for coincidence. He's so freaking crushable. And it doesn't hurt that he's my cavities' salvation as well. Btw, I have 13 of them. Yeehaw. 
• It has been a year since college graduation (Feb. 9). Wala lang. I feel so unaccomplished but it's ok. God I need to make more money. I got my pay a while ago and it made me wanna cry.
• Ok that wasn't so positive but oh well.
• I'm meeting up with Jana next week. I seriously have the best talk-anytime female friends who take bonding pretty seriously. It's fun joking around with guys but I always crave for conversations and sensitivity uniquely brought about by people with more estrogen. Thank God for men though, otherwise ranting/raving with girls wouldn't be as much fun. Wow I sound like a total cliche. But who isn't, right.